Could it be... spring?

This was the view from my first flat in London some years ago. I used to sit in front of the window for hours watching the blossoms. Inevitably for me spring brings on the questions of 'did I achieve what I wanted to in life'. Perhaps it's all the little flowers coming out and the fresh green everywhere which reminds me of new beginnings. Perhaps it's because spring marks my second birthday- the day, after months of agony, in which I started a successful treatment for CFIDS (although at that point we weren't sure if it really was CFIDS). This year it was my 12th "birthday". And it was a nice one with G and J taking me out for dinner to Del Aziz and T cooking a real Sunday lunch a couple of days later.

This above mentioned state of reflection is regularly followed up with a little pity party which takes some strength talking me out of. What pulled me up today was a blog entry in thewinger. (In case you haven't heard about it: THE WINGER is a community oriented dance website that shows the lives, insights, and personalities of professionals, students and experts) This entry is by a dancer from the American Ballet Theatre (ABT) suffering from the Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV). What really touched my was the honesty with which he describes his struggle of not letting ABT or EBV determine who he was.
I remember a singing lesson some months ago in which is said "I too was a singer once" to which my teacher indignantly replied "But you still are a singer!" and in my soul I still am a singer. Otherwise I would never still be able to carry of gigs like on the picture last year. Actually, this is a rehearsal picture in case you're wondering about the absence of people.
Being 'a singer' used to define who I was. I worked hard and prepared a lot for rehearsals. Having the feeling to find excuses for myself was not what I was used to. Now I feel betrayed by my body being the excuse. I have tried to be someone else and shut out the singing. In the beginning of my recovery when I was a student for musicology, I concealed the 'singing factor'. I ended up really miserable, so much of my personality and knowledge was hidden that I felt only like half a person.
Some days I find it hard to adjust and it is a struggle not to let CFIDS or 'being a singer' determine who I am. I have been very fortunate to have a supportive family and find real friends who believe in me.
When I was little I used to pray for an exiting life - hmm I can say, that I have been given. I can't complain about too little excitement in my life!

Weekend away

On the day G went to her last job interview I promised myself that, would she get the job, I would drag her on a weekend away back home. Weeks and weeks of stress and late night Shiatsu sessions have eaten on my nerves. G and I had a couple of things to do in Wiesbaden anyway, so why not have a weekend away?
We booked tickets to Frankfurt Hahn which isn't really Frankfurt but somewhere in the middle of nowhere, for last Thursday. The flight went well, the Hertz car rental guys gave a us a free sat nav. It needed to go back to Frankfurt Airport where we would drop our car anyway- Frankly I don't even care if they gave it to us because we looked like two helpless women, it was really nice - although I had all the maps printed out.
The Airport B&B was comfortable (I miss double glazing!) and even the weather was great. We had a pleasant drive to Wiesbaden - apart from one moment on the motorway driving past oodles and oodles of lorries. The poor Italian guy - who happened to be the first car in this lorry-overtaking-event - looked close to a nervous breakdown when we drove past him at the end of the line of lorries. It was a stressful with just two lanes, one being entirely occupied by lorries, the other one by the overtaking cars. I had to suppress the mad urge to crawl over G and out of the left window. It didn't help that the motorway bent sightly towards the middle lane, which gave the impression that the lorries would fall on top of the overtaking car.... well you get the idea: not a peaceful moment. The picture above shows our breakfast in Wiesbaden, in a small cafe/restaurant called Lumen near the cathedral. Nice place with enormous windows - I can recommend it. I particularly enjoyed the moment when the people at the next table made remarks about how sad people are who depend on their mobile phone. (I took several pictures with it while G was feeding the parking meter). Since G and I usually talk in a mixture of German/English they might have thought I was foreign - big mistake - and so I didn't feel guilty listening to their conversation.
We dropped the car at Frankfurt Airport because the train station is in walking distance under the terminal. It now paid off that I had to go to Frankfurt for singing lessons years ago and knew about the locations. The train journey up north to our families is one the most beautiful train journeys we have in Germany. If you take the IC train from Frankfurt to Cologne, it will take you for about two hours up next to the Rhein with stunning views. The Lorelei rock - I think - is part of the UNESCO world heritage. We sat on the 'wrong' side of the train, but I still managed to take one good picture. For more pictures, the legend and the translation of the Lorelei poem by Heinrich Heine see here. Of course all those hours on the train meant uninterrupted knitting! I finished the Odessa no. III - a birthday present for my friend A, and G knitted socks - which originally were meant for her Dad, but now will be for her. Also note on the picture's left side the red melon shawl which hadn't been on any pictures so far (we're still looking for the camera).
As you can see I already have the sock wool ready: Dream in Colour, Smooshy, Black Parade from socktopus who bent over backwards to make it possible that we could take the wool with us to Germany. Thanks again! I left G on the train as her family lives a bit further north than mine and spent a great evening with my parents at home. I love my old room, huge compared to what I have here. Ok, I really don't need it that big but it's so nice to come home and invade all this space. On the road again on Saturday to see my sister (three more hours of knitting) in my parents' new car and then to my friend A's 60th birthday party which only (!) lasted until about 3.30 am - summertime's calling.... slightly tired we all met for breakfast a bit later that day.... In the evening G and I met up at the airport to fly home together. A great weekend away. So nice that we decided to do this more often and have booked a car and a B&B to go the Wonderwool Wales at the end of the month!

Organisation

Sheep message - cute isn't it? It took 200 sheep, 6 dogs and 3 hours to arrange. It doesn't feel a bit like spring at the moment, though. It was snowing on Monday, absolutely miserable weather for Easter - according to the weather service it hasn't been that cold over Easter for 38 years! I have some time this morning and wanted to use it to take some pictures of our Easter decoration and update my knitting pictures, but somehow the camera is missing. I got told off for working too much and I promised to do less before leaving the house this morning - I had so many headaches lately. I need to organise my time better, so that I have some to rest as well....
I have now found the chip with the all the pictures on it, but the actual camera is still nowhere to be seen. So you just have to take my word for it that there is some Easter decoration in the house (and that we made ourselves) and that I knitted at least 3 Odessa hats (I'll keep one) and currently two more are on the needles. One is for my friend A's birthday - together with a biiig fluffy towel for her weekly trip to the sauna. In absolute hat mood, I have done a green beret in a berry pattern which G is currently wearing a lot as she left her hat on the train - again. I'm still knitting the second version of the Sahara in Emerald Malabrigo and should do another pair of socks for my Dad as he loved the pair I gave him for Christmas to death. I wasn't quite sure he would like them as he has freakishly sensitive feet. Buying socks with or for him requires an expert - he is just not going to wear them if they are scratchy - probably he had enough of those as a boy. Smooshy did a great job, so there will be some more of those in the future. If I'm lucky, the yarn will arrive before I leave for Germany tomorrow evening. I have to go home for some check ups and A's birthday which means that I'll miss the spinning meeting on Saturday morning. Ah, why can't I have it all?!

Easter

It's almost Easter and I had promised myself to make some praliné eggs, or at least some interesting painted eggs this year. Not so sure now, as I see the mountain of work that needs to be tackled. In the end, I went through something like 20 different interviews, but was offered exactly the one I wanted. So I am a happy bunny for Easter ;-) And, to top it all off, I'll need new working clothes..... sooooooooooo.... I'm going SHOPPING!! Ha! Maybe I find some more elegant knitting patterns that can be worn as well. Hm. Any suggestions? I better get going now, or I'll be late for work.

Mid-week s(t)ock take

It's Wednesday, and so far I only had one further (third round) job interview... still no news as to the final results, and another second round interview to go tomorrow (sighs deeply). Sunday's talks went well all things considered, but we are still quite a way away from making the new workshops a reality. Still, in the long run this will hopefully turn out as a great opportunity.
Oh, and then there is KNITTING :-) to keep us sane, right (whatever amount of sanity there was in the first place, which is debatable to say the least).
The Melon Pattern Scarf (Victorian Lace) in Rowan Kid Silk Haze (colourway blood) is now finished, complete with some lovely Renaissance beads M. gave me for Christmas. However, since it was finished on Sunday, it has not left my neck very often, so I have had no chance to take pictures, yet. The number of baby blanket squares is constantly growing, and I am planning to start blocking and sewing this weekend. I have finished two pairs of Express Lane socks (pattern by Diane Mulholland) , both made of Dream in Colour's Smooshy Sock yarn (colourway Beach Fog). One pair for my friend A. in Germany, who's birthday I missed by two weeks (!) and one shorter pair for M. for putting up with me through the interview process.
Oh, and as a post script, my mother sent a picture of the iPod sock I made her to go with the iPod she got for Christmas. Wollmeise sock yarn, combining Poison No. 5 and Rittersporn. Here it is:

Race against time

Now, racing against time usually only gets to me before Christmas - at least in knitting terms. But today it's a completely different race. M. is sitting next to me preparing the last bits of different Opera synopsis (what's the plural - synapsi?),for a meeting in a couple of hours. Fingers crossed, this meeting could make a difference in our artistic endeavours and for a lot of kids being introduced to Opera in an exciting way, so keep your toes crossed (since you are probably having both hands either on the computer or on a pair of knitting needles...)! After wading through lots of different synopsis (no, really, what's the plural?), M. should come up with a glossary of "what not to say in an opera synapsis". How about "Otello rambles on, saying something about head ache...." Not made up! It's a real example! And I am using too many exclamation marks!!Well, I'd better get back to proof reading. Have a fantastic rest of your weekend and watch this space for updates :-)

Beam of sunlight

After all the horrible news and adventures of the past weeks, finally some sunshine back. I was reunited with my knitting (Odessa Hat) on Monday. I left it at work (I know, how could I!) and it was neatly packed away in a little bag marked with my name and the word DANGER. I'm still not quite sure what the danger is - the pointy sticks or me.... Yesterday my friend A came to London to play at Wigmore Hall with the Jerusalem Chamber Music Festival Ensemble. A is my oldest friend (our parents have been friends since college times) . We met for breakfast in town before she had to leave for rehearsals. Her mother recently got a little labrador (lots of pictures to see) and A's friend (who happens to be one of my sister's friends, too) is pregnant with twins (no pictures yet)! Baby shower gifts here I come again. G has done so many wonderful little gifts for her friend, but there was no reason for me to start knitting on the off chance that one of my friends would get pregnant.
The concert in the evening was quite fun and entertaining to listen to and watch. The comic bits came with the contemporary music item. G. Kurtag's six little pieces for clarinet, viola and piano had more page turning elements than actual music. R. Schumann's piano quintet op. 44 made a fantastic, powerful finale. One could see that all the players had fun and not for the first time I regretted the fact that it's not fashionable to cheer in-between the movements. Especially after the first one, which finishes on such a high and dynamic point it calls out for you to jump out of your seat and cheer. Well, maybe in a couple of years we'll change common practice and it will be accepted to do this like in the times of Schumann.